Ray Stevens The Haircut Song Lyrics

When you get a haircut, you better go back home
When you get a haircut, get a barber you have known
Since you were a little bitty boy sittin' in a booster chair
Or you might look like Larry, Moe or Curly if a stranger cuts your hair

Well, b___e, Montana just a'passin' through, one thing I just had to do.
Had to get a haircut and I was worried for my hair
I had a feeling of impending doom the minute
I stepped into that room and laid my eyes upon that barber chair

It was a macho barber shop.
Hair dryers were mounted on a rifle rack. Wasn't no mirrors.
The barber chair was a Peterbilt... Barber walked in; he was huge,
seven feet tall, three hundred pounds of spring steel and rawhide.
Wearin' a hard hat, chewin' a cigar,
had a t-shirt on -- said, I hate musicians.
Threw me in the chair, sneered and said, What'll it be pal?
Now a lot of people would be intimidated in a situation like
this...I was not.
I am what I am, play my piano, and sing my little songs.
I looked him right in the eye and I said, I'm a logger - just up from Coos Bay, Oregon.
Been toppin' trees - quite possibly the toughestman in the entire world.

He said, All right! he gave me a haircut and I walked out of there, my hair was gone! Made Kojak look like Bill Golden.
Yeah, had a tremendous craving to operate heavy equipment.
Now, you may think that b___e, Montana haircut's the worst any man could
ever get...Wrong!

Well, a few months later I was in LA, truckin along on a smoggy day. I needed a haircut so bad I looked like Bozo the Clown
I was looking s___gy, not too good, I'd put it off as long as I could
Lord, I hate to get a haircut out of town.

Well, I walked in and realized immediately that this guy was into punk rock.
The walls were done in black leather. Had chains and whips and handcuffs hangin on em.
Barber walked in, he had orange hair. Black mascara. Stainless steel teeth.
Black leather jacket with zinc studs.

He threw me in the chair, hit me a couple times - whap, whap - chained me down, threw a n___ flag over me.
Said, I'm gonna tell you something that might make you a little nervous.
I laughed. Ha ha ha... I said, What could possibly make me nervous?
He said, I'm gay.
Nooo problem. I'm not threatened in any way.
I mean, I'm secure in my manhood, everything is cool I am what I am, play my little piano,
sing my little songs. I looked him right in the eye. I said, I'm a logger.
Played football in high school.
I was in the Marine Corps. He said "All right" and he gave me a haircut.

I walked out of there, friends, my hair was purple.
Well, at least that mohawk section down the middle was puprle.
Had a white streak down one side... other side looked like Mr. T.
Had a couple safety pins in my cheeks. Felt a teeeeny bit conspicuous.
Luckily, my next job was in San Francisco. Shoot, I got there and I didn't even stand out at all.
Wasn't even close! Those people thought I was an insurance salesman!

Well, a few months later, I was way down south, grits and gravy and hush your mouth
My hair so long I was startin' to look like a man in drag
It was then that the sheriff came up and said, Boy, you got too much hair on your head...
You better get yourself a haircut or a dog tag!

Well, when I stepped into the shop, I realized immediately that I was dealing with a born-again barber.
Don't see too many barber shops with a
steeple, had an organ in the corner, a choir. An usher led me to the barber chair.
Barber walked in, started saying grace, Oh Lord, for these haircuts we are about to receive, may we be truly thankful.
Dominus possum pax probiscus, post mortem, et tu brute, puella carborundum.
He was sorta half-Baptist, half-Catholic... kind of a Cathtist. He started cuttin' my hair and preachin' at the same time.
I mean he's a wild man, scissors and razors a'flyin' around my head, he's
talkin'about the liquor and wild women and music and s__ and the evils of dancing and the music business in general.
Then he looked down at me and he said, What do you do for a living? Now, I'm not ashamed of what
I do for a livin'. Workin' bars and casinos, around liquor and wild women, I just play my piano, sing my little songs.
I looked him right in the eye and I said, I run this church for loggers...

When you get a haircut, be sure to go back home
When you get a haircut, get a barber you have known
Since you were a little bitty boy sittin' in a booster chair
Or you might look like Larry, Moe or Curly if a stranger cuts your hair