Outside Pegasus' Castle. Some dramatic music is playing.

CAPTION: Castle of Maximillion Pegasus
South Jersey Shore

In the castle's dining hall

CROQUET: Gentlemen, behold! In order to take part in the semi-finals, you will each need to hold one of these two cards. (holds up a blank card and a card covered with jewels)

JOEY: Man! I don't have either of those cards! How am I supposed to win the prize money now?

YUGI: (holding up the jewels card) Hey Joey! Betcha wish you had one of these!

JOEY: Yug! Are you giving me that card?

YUGI: Well I would, but then I remembered the time you stole a piece of my Millenium Puzzle. So I figured, no, you don't get my card. Instead, I'm just going to rub it in your face that you're such a loser.

JOEY: I never knew you could be such an a__hole!

YUGI: You know what they say, Joey, payback's a b____. I'm tormenting you!

JOEY: Give me that freakin' card!!

t__le sequence

In the castle hallway

BAKURA: Good night, everyone! I hope my evil alter-ego doesn't wake up in the middle of the night and molest any of you, because that tends to happen a lot!

TÉA: Go to sleep, you limey pansy.

JOEY: Guys, is it just me, or is Bandit Keith trying to stalk us?

YUGI: Oh, just ignore him.

KEITH: This outfit is the perfect camouflage! I'm like a chameleon. An American chameleon.

In Mai's room

MAI: I think it's time for some fanservice.

Joey's room

JOEY: (asleep) Ngyh, ngyh, oh Kaiba, ya dragon is so big! I'm a dog! Woof woof.

Yugi's room

YUGI: Man, what a night. I wonder if Téa is thinking about me right now.

Téa's room

TÉA: Man, what a night. I wonder if Yugi's s__y alter-ego is thinking about me right now. (someone knocks on the door) It's him! He's come for me. I knew he couldn't resist me for long. (opens door) Take me, oh card game master (notices Tristan and Bakura standing in front of her) Oh, it's just you two.

TRISTAN: We had a bad dream, can we sleep with you tonight?

BAKURA: I don't want to sleep with a girl!

TRISTAN: Nobody cares about what you want!

BAKURA: ...my mummy does.

TRISTAN: I've been thinking. I don't know about you two, but I'm not happy being just a minor character. We never get any screen time. All we do is stand around in the background and watch people play card games. It's time we took matters into our own hands and made a name for ourselves as main characters.

An arrow points to Bakura labeling him as (Bored out of his skull)

TÉA: That's dangerous talk, Tristan. We can't risk upsetting the natural order. Who knows what could happen?

TRISTAN: I don't care. All I know is that we deserve to have our very own episode. So while the main characters are asleep, we're going to have an adventure. It'll be just like The Goonies!

BAKURA: Can I be Corey Feldman?

TRISTAN: No. I'm Corey Feldman.

BAKURA: But you're always Corey Feldman! When do I get to be Corey Feldman?

TRISTAN: Shut up. From now on, your name is Chunk.

TÉA: Can I be River Phoenix?

TRISTAN: River Phoenix wasn't in The Goonies.

TÉA: He wasn't? Then which was the movie where they all went to find a dead body?

TRISTAN: That's Stand By Me.

TÉA: Oh. Hey guys, can we go find a dead body?

TRISTAN: That sounds like an adventure to me!

BAKURA: (thinking) I'm surrounded by w___ers.

Yugi's room. Yugi is asleep.

GRANDPA'S DISEMBODIED VOICE: Yuugii.... Yuuuugiiii... oh, just wake up, for God's sake!

YUGI: (wakes up) Grandpa, is that you?

GRANDPA: Of course it's me.. who else do you know who talks like this..?

YUGI: Well could you please keep it down? I'm trying to sleep!

GRANDPA: Yuuugiii... follow my increasingly annoying voice..

YUGI: This had better be good, old man, I was dreaming about card games.

GRANDPA: Yuuugiii...

YUGI: And stop saying my name!

In the castle somewhere

TÉA: Okay, it's been ten minutes and I haven't seen a single dead body. I'm starting to think this whole idea was stupid.

TRISTAN: Hey, we can use this rope to hang Bakura! (takes a rope off the wall) Then he'll be a dead body.

BAKURA: That never happened in The Goonies!

TRISTAN: Well it should have.

In Mai's room

MAI: More fanservice.

In Bandit Keith's room

KEITH: Now it's time for some Bandit Keith fanservice.. in America!

Bandit Keith proudly shows off his a__ets while Yello's "Oh Yeah" plays

SUBTITLE: (he's single, ladies!)

Outside

YUGI: Grandpa, where are you?

GRANDPA SOUL CARD: I'm down here, you ungrateful little punk! Hey, how's it going.

YUGI: (picks up the card) Gramps, are you okay?

GRANDPA: Of course I'm not okay, you put me in a home!

YUGI: What? No I didn't!

GRANDPA: Yes you did! You couldn't stand the sight of me anymore, so you had me sent away! I swear, kids these days, they have no respect for their elders.

YUGI: Grandpa, you're not in a home. You've been kidnapped.

GRANDPA: What?

YUGI: Pegasus put your soul into a card, and now he's forcing me to duel him in a tournament to rescue you.

GRANDPA: What?

YUGI: Grandpa, is your hearing aid switched on?

GRANPA: What? Just a second, I think my hearing aid isn't switched on.

YUGI: Ungh! (punches the ground) And now, my hand is broken.

The card flies out of Yugi's hand

GRANDPA: Whoooa, Nelly!

Some eerie noises play in the background. The card flies up and attaches itself to a pillar. Behind it are two more pillars, one with Mokuba's soul card on it, and the other with Kaiba's

YUGI: My God, it's full of cards..

GRANPA: Yugi, Yugi, give me your answer, do.

KAIBA: I'm half crazy, all for the love of you.

MOKUBA: By the way, this is a 2001 parody.

GRANDPA & KAIBA: It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't afford a carriage. But you'll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two.

Yugi suddenly wakes up, it was all a dream

YUGI: Gah! This is a f*cking bizarre episode.

In Pegasus's room

BAKURA: Oh my! Look!

He looks at a picture of Cecilia

TÉA: She's beautiful! Who do you suppose it is?

BAKURA: Maybe she's Pegasus's wife!

TÉA: No, seriously, who do you suppose it is?

PEGASUS: What are you three doing here? This room is for main characters only.

TRISTAN: Oh no, it's One-Eyed w____! He's come to protect his treasure!

PEGASUS: I'm afraid you've all seen too much! I can't have people thinking I'm straight. So I'm just going to have to discipline you! (he uses his Millenium Eye to somehow make the floor melt and they all fall through it)

BAKURA: I knew trying to be a main character was a bad idea!

TRISTAN: This is all your fault, Chunk!

BAKURA: Ugh, what happened?

TÉA: Can you guys hear chanting?

<Chanters start the chorus of "Hooked on a Feeling">

CHANTERS: Ooga chaka, ooga chaka, ooga ooga ooga chaka (continuously)

PEGASUS: (over the chanting) I cant stop this feeling, deep inside of me, oooh! Girl you just don't realise, what you do to me...

TRISTAN: Holy sh*t on a sh*t sandwich with sh*t on top!

BAKURA: This is the funkiest satanic ritual I've ever seen.

The chanting stops

PEGASUS: How dare you interrupt my big musical number. I'm so cross I think I'll send you to the Shadow Realm!

TRISTAN: He wants a virgin sacrifice! Quick, Téa, have s__ with me! It's the only way to stop him!

TÉA: Hell no, I'm saving myself for Yugi! I mean marriage.

PEGASUS: It's useless to resist. After all, you're just minor characters, making you totally expendable! (activates his Millenium Eye) What's this? (Bakura's Millennium Ring activates) I sense a main character inside Bakura's Millennium Ring!

YAMI BAKURA: That's right, Pegasus! And now, I'm going to use my powers to pretend this episode never even happened! That's just how evil I am!

He uses his powers to make it seem like the episode never happened

TRISTAN: (in his room, waking up as if it was all a dream) What a nightmare! I dreamed I spent the whole night putting up with Bakura!

Joey's room. Joey is snoring.

KEITH: You snooze, you lose, dweeb. (he takes the card Yugi gave to Joey earlier) I claim this card in the name of America.

Mai's room

MAI: Fanservice!!

Bakura's room

YAMI BAKURA: Now it's time for some Bakura fanservice!

//End//

YAMI BAKURA: E- Oh, b_____. It's the credits already.

CAPTION: [an episode without any card games? it's a sign of the apocalypse...]

YAMI BAKURA: Oh well, maybe next time.

Stinger, audio from s___e Ghost: Coast to Coast:

YAMI: (as Zorak) I'm Egyptian!

KAIBA: (as s___e Ghost) Oh, no you're not.

YAMI: Baaah!

See also:
JustSomeLyrics
73
73.64
Micky Modelle Feat Jessy Dancing In The Dark Lyrics
Barbra Streisand 17 Someday My Prince Will Come Lyrics