Intro

YAMI: The following cartoon is based on real events. Some names were changed in order to protect the innocent.

In the cave

YUGI, JOEY & TRISTAN: (heaving noises)

JOEY: (to Tea and Bakura) Hey, why ain't you guys helping?

TÉA: Get back to work, slave!

BAKURA: I've got a b_____ good idea. Let's use my Gaydar in order to locate some gay people. They'll be able to help us.

TRISTAN: Why would there be gay people down here?

JOEY: Gay people like to hibernate in caves. I saw it on the Discovery Channel.

TÉA: Joey, that's bats.

JOEY: Bats, gay people, same thing.

BAKURA: It seems my evil ring was pointing to this room.

JOEY: Oh my god! This is unbelievable! Bakura actually did something useful!

The Village People's "YMCA" plays and the Brothers Paradox bounce onto screen dancing to it

BAKURA: (over music) Oh my, I wonder if those are the gay people?

JOEY: (over music) There is a slight possibility.

The t__le sequence plays but still to the YMCA music

In a forest

KAIBA: (thinking) My brother's being held hostage, but I don't really feel like running, so I'm just going to walk briskly towards Pegasus's castle. Besides, he's probably okay.

In the dungeon

MOKUBA: I can't feel my legs!

Back in the forest

KAIBA: (thinking) (pulls out a picture of Mokuba as a kid) This picture reminds me of when Mokuba and I were just small children.

A t__le screen for "Jim Henson's Kaiba Babies" featuring "Lil' Seto" and "Lil' Mokuba" appears

NARRATOR: Kaiba Babies, we make our dreams come true!

flashback to orphanage

KAIBA: (voiceover) We lived in an orphanage, because I had fired our parents. It was a very depressing time in my life, since I didn't have any money, so I was unable to screw the rules. Mokuba was often bullied, and when you're getting picked on by orphans, you know you're a loser.

LIL' SETO: Here's your toy back Mokuba, that'll be five bucks.

KAIBA: (voiceover) Whenever we felt slightly less miserable, we would play chess, but since it didn't involve dragons or expensive holograms, I found it extremely boring.

LIL' MOKUBA: I love you big brother!

LIL' SETO: kthx.

end flashback

KAIBA: (thinking) That's odd, my Kaiba senses are tingling.

KEMO: (behind a tree) Attention Duelists! My hair is- (tries to attack Kaiba, but gets elbowed in the stomach) -being a__aulted!

KAIBA: Idiot. Next time you sneak up on somebody, try keeping your mouth shut.

KEMO: I knew those child grabbing classes were a waste of money.

In the underground dueling field

PARA: We are the Brothers Paradox!

DOX: And we love wearing women's frocks!

PARA: As villains go, we're kinda lame!

DOX: But never mind that, let's play a card game!

YAMI: We have to duel these guys as a team, Joey. That means you do everything I say, you got that?

JOEY: Duh, okay.

PARA: We are villains who like to rhyme!

DOX: In fact, we do it all the time!

PARA: You may think it's rather crass!

DOX: But you can stick your cards right up your nose.

PARA: You were supposed to say "a__", brother, I thought we rehearsed this!

YAMI: Leave it to Beaver Warrior! (summons Beaver Warrior)

PARA: Wall Shadow! Destroy his Beaver Warrior!

JOEY: Let this be a lesson to ya Yug. Never, under any circumstances, leave ya beaver exposed.

YAMI: You're right Joey, my beaver was on full display. Next time I'll take better care of my beaver.

TÉA: I didn't know Yugi had a beaver.

At the entrance to Pegasus's Dungeons

KEMO: Attention Duelists! My hair has security clearance to get through this door!

KAIBA: Why do you keep saying "Attention Duelists"? I'm the only other person here.

KEMO: Hey shut up, it's what I do, okay?

At the dueling field

SONG: (the Dark Magician is using the Mystic Box while Weebl's "Magical Trevor" plays) Everyone loves Magical Trevor 'cause the tricks that he does are ever so clever!

PARA: You have tricked us with your magic box!

DOX: We invite you to suck on our co-

BAKURA: Cor blimey, that was a smashing maneuver! Good show, chaps!

TRISTAN: Stop being so British.

In the dungeon, the mighty dungeon

KAIBA: So this is about the hundred-and-seventy-eighth time my brother's been kidnapped. Thanks for listening by the way, it feels good to get this stuff off my chest.

KEMO: Attention Duelist! My hair is definitely not leading you into a trap!

KAIBA: Listen, if you say one more thing about your hair, I'm gonna shave it off.

KEMO: You wouldn't have the guts.

KAIBA: Try me, big boy.

At the dueling field

PARA: Against our Gate Guardian, you stand no chance!

DOX: I'm not wearing any underpants.

PARA: Is that true brother, or are you just rhyming?

DOX: I didn't want to throw off our timing. But it is true.

YAMI: Joey, it's time for a suprise attack!

JOEY: No worries, Yug, I got ya back!

YAMI: Hang on a second, are we rhyming too?

JOEY: Don't ask me, I ain't got a clue.

YAMI: This is like something out of Dr. Seuss!

TÉA: I can't stop staring at Yugi's caboose!

BAKURA: Everyone seems to have gone all rhymey!

TRISTAN: Shut the hell up, you stupid limey!

Dungeon

KAIBA: So, you wanna catch a movie later, or..

KEMO: Rejected! (activates the alarm)

KAIBA: The alarm! What the hell have you done?

KEMO: That's for threatening my hair!

KAIBA: I'll never forgive you for this - whoever you are. (runs off)

Dueling field

YAMI: I activate a spell that allows our monsters to trade places! Which would be completely useless in any other situation. (the Dark Magician and Black Skull Dragon switch places with accompanying Star Trek sound effects)

JOEY: Our phasers are at the ready, captain!

YAMI: Make it so, number one! (the Black Skull Dragon destroys the Gate Guardian with phaser blasts)

TÉA: All right, they won!

TRISTAN: Now they've got all ten star chips!

BAKURA: An you know what that means!

TÉA BAKURA AND TRISTAN: This c___py tournament is almost over!

PARA: It seems that we ran out of luck!

DOX: It's just a card game, who gives a fu-

Dungeon

MOKUBA: Big brother! You came to rescue me again! What the hell took you so long?

PEGASUS: Hello, Kaiba-boy, I've been expecting you.

KAIBA: Pegasus! I'm gonna make you pay for stealing my cards!

MOKUBA: And for kidnapping me, right Seto?

KAIBA: Shut up Mokuba, mummy and daddy are talking.

PEGASUS: I'm afraid your princess is in another castle, Kaiba-boy. (uses his Millenium Eye to steal Mokuba's soul)

MOKUBA: Big brother.... (fades)

KAIBA: What have you done now?

PEGASUS: I've turned Mokuba into a monster card, and he doesn't have any attack or defense points!

KAIBA: You sick b______! That makes him even more worthless than Kuriboh! Please, I'll do anything! Just don't release that card to the general public!

PEGASUS: In that case, I want you to have a rematch with Yugi-boy! And this time, you have to win!

KAIBA: I'll do it! But only to avenge the death of my little brother.

MOKUBA: But I'm not dead, Seto!

KAIBA: Shut up, Mokuba.

End. The Muppet Babies theme plays

CAPTION: [never leave your beaver unattended]

Stinger:

Chibi video game versions of Mai, Yugi and Joey celebrating while the battle victory theme from Final Fantasy VI plays

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