Monty Python Bruces' Philosophers Song (Bruces' Song) Lyrics

Immanuel Kant was a real p___-ant who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could
think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel.
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach 'ya 'bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently p___ed.
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will, after half a pint of shandy was
particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away, 'alf a crate of whiskey every day!
Aristotle, Aristotle was a b_____ for the bottle,
And Hobbes was fond of his Dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart:
I drink, therefore I am.
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker, but a b_____ when he's p___ed.