WHY CAN'T THE ENGLISH?
From "My Fair Lady"
(Alan Jay Lerner / Frederick Loewe)

Rex Harrison - 1956

Harrison: Look at her, a victim of the gutters,
Condemned by every syllable she utters.
By right she should be taken out and hung,
For the cold-blooded murder of the English
tongue.

Aaow!

Heavens, what a sound!
This is what the English population,
Calls an elementary education.

Bystander: Come sir, I think you've picked a poor
example.

Harrison: Did I?
Hear them down in Soho Square,
Dropping "H's" everywhere,
Speaking any way they like.
You sir, did you go to school?

Bystander: Whatta tyke me for, a fool?

Harrison: No one taught him "take" instead of "tyke".
Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse,
Hear a Cornishman converse.
I'd rather hear a choir singing flat.
Just like this one.
(Garn!)
I ask you sir, what sort of word is that?

It's Au and Garn that keep her in her place
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face.
Why can't the English teach their children
how to speak.
This verbal class distinction by now should
be antique.
If you spoke sir, instead of the way you do,
Why you might be selling flowers too.

Bystander: I beg your pardon.

Harrison: An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely
classifies him.
The moment he talks he makes some other
Englishman despise him.
One common language I'm afraid we'll never get.
Oh why can't the English learn to set a good
example to people who's English is painful to
your ears?

The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to
tears.
There are even places where English completely
disappears.
Well, in America they haven't used it for
years.

Why can't the English teach their children how
to speak?
Norwegians learn Norwegian, the Greeks are
taught their Greek.
In France every Frenchman knows his language
from A to Zed.
The French don't care what they do, actually,
As long as they p___ounce properly.
Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of
summer lightning,
And Hebrews learn it backward which is
absolutely frighening.

If you use proper English you're regarded as
a freak.
Oh why can't the English, why can't the
English learn to speak!

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