Randall Personal Security Lyrics

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Man: Yes, I'd like to report a theft.
Police Officer: Okay. Can you tell me exactly what happened.

Man: Well, I was walking home from work two days ago, enjoying the nature all around me . . . the birds, the frogs, the flowing stream . . . [Okay, Okay] when this woman knocked me right off my feet, grabbed my stuff, and ran off through the trees. [Hmm]. I was so surprised by the ordeal that I didn't go after her.

Police Officer: Yeah. Can you describe the woman for me?

Man: Yeah. He was about a hundred and ninety centimeters tall . . .

Police Officer: Wait. You said a woman robbed you.

Man: Well, I'm not really sure. [Hmm]. You see, the person was wearing a white and black polka dot dress, a light red sweater over it, and she . . . or he . . . was wearing a pair of basketball shoes.

Police Officer: Humm. What else can you tell me?

Man: Okay. Like I said, the person was about 190 centimeters tall, heavy build, with long wavy hair. She . . . or he . . . was probably in his or her late 30's. I didn't get a good look at the person's face, but well ... uh ....

Police Officer: What? Was there something else?

Man: Well, the person . . . had a beard.

Police Officer: Ah! What was, uh, taken . . . exactly?

Man: Well, just my left shoe. Bizarre, isn't it?

Police Officer: Ah. The "bearded woman" has struck again!

Man: The "bearded woman"?

Police Officer: Yeah. It's this man who dresses up like a woman and, for some unknown reason, removes the left shoe from his victims. He's really quite harmless, though, and he usually returns the shoe to the crime scene a couple of days later.

Man: Hey, he can keep my shoe, and I'll just take off my left shoe every time I walk through the park.

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