Monty Python The Philsopher's Drinking Song Lyrics

>>Goodday, Bruce!
>>Oh, Hello Bruce!
>>How are yer Bruce?
>>Bit crook, Bruce.
>>Where's Bruce?
>>He's not here, Bruce.
>>Blimey, s'hot in here, Bruce.
>>S'hot enough to boil a monkey's b__!
>>That's a strange expression, Bruce.
>>Well Bruce, I heard the Prime Minister use it. S'hot enough to boil a monkey's b__ in 'ere, your Majesty,' he said and she smiled quietly to herself.
>>She's a good Sheila, Bruce and not at all stuck up.
>>Ah, here comes the Bossfella now! - how are you, Bruce?
>>Goodday, Bruce, Hello Bruce, how are you, Bruce? Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce a chap from pommie land... who'll be joining us this year here in the Philosophy Department of the University of Woolamaloo.
>>Goodday.
>>Michael Baldwin - this is Bruce. Michael Baldwin - this is Bruce. Michael Baldwin - this is Bruce.
>>Is your name not Bruce, then?
>>No, it's Michael.
>>That's going to cause a little confusion.
>>Mind if we call you 'Bruce' to keep it clear?
>>Well, Gentlemen, I think we'd better start the meeting. Before we start, though, I'll ask the padre for a prayer.
>>Oh Lord, we beseech thee, have mercy on our faculty, Amen!!
>>Amen!
>>Crack the tubes, right! Er, Bruce, I now call upon you to welcome Mr. Baldwin to the Philosophy Department.
>>I'd like to welcome the pommy b______ to God's own earth, and I'd like to remind him that we don't like stuck-up sticky-beaks here.
>>Hear, hear! Well spoken, Bruce!
>>Now, Bruce teaches classical philosophy, Bruce teaches Haegelian philosophy, and Bruce here teaches logical positivism, and is also in charge of the sheepdip.
>>What's does new Bruce teach?
>>New Bruce will be teaching political science - Machiavelli, Bentham, Locke, Hobbes, Sutcliffe, Bradman, Lindwall, Miller, Hassett, and Benet.
>>Those are cricketers, Bruce!
>>Oh, spit!
>>Howls of derisive laughter, Bruce!
>>In addition, as he's going to be teaching politics, I've told him he's welcome to teach any of the great socialist thinkers, provided he makes it clear that they were wrong.

>>Australia, Australia, Australia, Australia, we love you. Amen!
>>Any questions?
>>New Bruce - are you a pooftah?
>>Are you a pooftah?
>>No!
>>No right, well gentlemen, I'll just remind you of the faculty rules:
Rule one - no pooftahs.
Rule two, no member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way whatsoever - if there's anybody watching.
Rule three - no pooftahs. Rule four - I don't want to catch anyone not drinking in their room after lights out.
Rule five - no pooftahs.
Rule six - there is no rule six! Rule seven - no pooftahs. That concludes the reading of the rules, Bruce.
>>This here's the wattle - the emblem of our land. You can stick it in a bottle or you can hold it in your hand.
>> Amen!

Immanuel Kant was a real p___-ant
who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
who could think you under the table
David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Froederich Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
who was just as sloshed as Schlegel

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates himself was permanently p___ed

John Stewart Mill of his own free will
on half a pint of shandy was particularly ill
Plato they say could stick it away
'alf a crate of whisky every day
Aristotle Aristotle was a b_____ for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart:
"I drink, therefore I am"

Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed
A lovely little thinker but a b_____ when he's p___ed