I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major General Lyrics

General.
I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news -
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

All.
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypoten- potenuse.

General.
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

All.
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General.

General.
I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.

All.
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pina- Pinafore,

General.
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you every detail of Caractacus's uniform:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

All.
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General.

General.
In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery;
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.

All.
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee,
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee,
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a, sat a gee.

General.
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

All.
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General.

General. And now that I've introduced myself, I should like to have some idea of what's going on.

Kate. Oh, Papa - we -

Samuel. Permit me, I'll explain in two words: we propose to marry your daughters.

General. Dear me!

Girls. Against our wills, Papa - against our wills!

General. Oh, but you mustn't do that! May I ask - this is a picturesque uniform, but I'm not familiar with it. What are you?

King. We are all single gentlemen.

General. Yes, I gathered that - Anything else?

King. No, nothing else.

Edith. Papa, don't believe them; they are pirates - the famous Pirates of Penzance!

General. The Pirates of Penzance! I have often heard of them.

Mabel. All except this gentleman - (indicating FREDERIC) - who was a pirate once, but who is out of his indentures to day, and who means to lead a blameless life evermore.

General. But wait a bit. I object to pirates as sons-in-law.

King. We object to Major-Generals as fathers-in-law. But we waive that point. We do not press it. We look over it.

General. (aside) Hah! an idea! (aloud) And do you mean to say that you would deliberately rob me of these, the sole remaining props of my old age, and leave me to go through the remainder of my life unfriended, unprotected, and alone?

King. Well, yes, that's the idea.

General. Tell me, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan?

Pirates. (disgusted) Oh, dash it all!

King. Here we are again!

General. I ask you, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan?

King. Often!

General. Yes, orphan. Have you ever known what it is to be one?

King. I say, often.

Pirates. (disgusted) Often, often, often. (Turning away)

General. I don't think we quite understand one another. I ask you, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan, and you say "orphan". As I understand you, you are merely repeating the word "orphan" to show that you understand me.

King. I didn't repeat the word often.

General. Pardon me, you did indeed.

King. I only repeated it once.

General. True, but you repeated it.

King. But not often.

General. Stop! I think I see where we are getting confused. When you said "orphan", did you mean "orphan" - a person who has lost his parents, or "often", frequently?

King. Ah! I beg pardon - I see what you mean - frequently.

General. Ah! you said "often", frequently.

King. No, only once.

General. (irritated) Exactly - you said "often", frequently, only once.