Adam Kay & Suman Biswas NHS Song Lyrics

Well, I'm lying in this hospital bed,
I should have had an operation, but I'm waiting here instead.
The floor is dirty and the painting's peeling
and there's p___ and s___ and blood and s____ dripping from the ceiling.
My chest pain is getting worse
and I really need a bypass,
But the Filipino nurse says
that it's all Tony Blairs fault because he let
the NHS get into 5.6 billion pounds of debt.

He's holding up my bypass, woh-oh
Tony Blair is having a top laugh, woh-oh
And I really need a bypass, woh-oh,
Or I think I'm gonna die boss, I think I'm gonna die,
Oh s___.

Tony can't afford the NHS no more,
'cos he's paying for the Olympics and another b_____ war,
and I wouldn't say I'm an expert in political anthropology,
but unless he starts investing, I'm gonna have a coronary.
'Cos my heart is getting worse each day,
and the only thing they've given me is MRSA.
'Cos there's noting they can offer when the nurses hand the drugs out
And it's not like Carry On films where they always get their jugs out.

He's holding up my bypass, woh-oh
Tony Blair is having a top laugh, woh-oh
And I really need a bypass, woh-oh,
Or I think I'm gonna die boss, I think I'm gonna die,

REPEAT
We're all gonna die a painful death
There's nothing left of the NHS

He's holding up my bypass, woh-oh
Tony Blair is having a top laugh, woh-oh
And I really need a bypass, woh-oh,
Or I think I'm gonna die boss, I think I'm gonna [heart monitor beep]