Mark Lowry Take a Pill and Cook the Vegetables (Mark tells a funny story) Lyrics

You know its hard to cook for a thousand people. (Pause) I've never tried it but I'm sure it is.
They had a steak, and a bake potatah, and a salad, and then they had this moon shaped orange colored vegetable on the plate. I'd never seen a moon shaped orange colored vegetable before in my life. And I picked it up and bit into it and it was just nasty, it like it crunched and it had no flavor. And I ask 'em what it was, and they said it was sweet potatahs. I said sweet potatahs aren't supposed to crunch. Sweet potatahs are supposed to come out of the oven on Thanksgiving morning with marshmallows on top of 'em, and nuts down in 'em, and juice all through them. There not supposed to crunch. Doritos are supposed to crunch. (Pause) And I was up north and the lady said, "Oh dear Brother Lowry, we don't overcook our vegetables in the north. We don't want to cook the vitamins out of the vegetables." (Pause) I said, "For goodness sake take a pill and cook the vegetables." (Pause) You can get all the vitamins you need in a One A Day. You don't want to be chewing on a One A Day. Have you ever bit into a vitamin pill? They taste awful because they got vitamins in 'em. That's why you need to cook those vegetables 'till the vitamins are gone and they'll taste better. Cook that broccoli 'till it's yellow then pour cheese sauce over it.
(Pause) Die young, make a pretty corpse that's my philosophy. I want my blood going through my veins, "Excuse me, Pardon me, Coming through, Pardon me!" Mashed potatoes with a lake of gravy in it. (Pause) Fried chicken, don't bake that, leave the skin on that chicken, don't make that bird die in vain. Fry that chicken, Fry it.
And don't put sugar in the cornbread either, that is not of God. Sugar in the cornbread is cake. When you bite into cornbread it's supposed to suck 90 percent of the moisture out of your body.
Put the sugar in the tea, that's where it goes. Not that pink stuff it causes cancer. I tell you, I like my tea so sweet if you run out of syrup you can pour it over your pancakes. (Pause) And then whatever you do, don't exercise. I do one sit-up a day. I get up in the morning that's half. I lay down at night that's the other half. I figured out along time ago that my body is for nothing more than carrying my head from place to place.