Dr. Hartman: I don't know how to tell you this, Mr. Devanney, so I'll let these guys do it.

Enter Peter and a barbershop quartet. A sprightly ragtime piano intro begins.

Peter: ♪ You have AIDS ♪

Group: ♪ Yes, you have AIDS ♪

Peter: ♪ I hate to tell you, boy ♪ ♪ that you have AIDS ♪

Group: ♪ You got the AIDS ♪

Peter: ♪ You may have caught it when you stuck ♪ ♪ that filthy needle in here ♪ Indicates arm.

Group: ♪ Or maybe all that unprotected s__ put you here ♪

Peter: ♪ It isn't clear ♪

All: ♪ But what we're certain of is ♪

Peter: ♪ You have AIDS ♪

Group: ♪ Yes, you have AIDS ♪

Peter: ♪ Not HIV,

All: but full-blown AIDS ♪

Group: ♪ Be sure that you see ♪ ♪ That this is not HIV ♪

All: ♪ But full-blown AIDS ♪ ♪ Not HIV, but really full-blown AIDS ♪

Bass Solo: ♪ I'm sorry, I wish it was something less serious ♪

All: ♪ But it's AIDS ♪ ♪ You've got the AIDS. ♪

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