Everywhere I go, someone's trying
to be my girlfriend's best friend
I try to pretend I'm relaxed
but I'm playing castanets with my knees
I try to be cool and give her s___e
but a guy's always there, ready to
jump right up and take my place
Everyone in this room seems
to want to make a big fool out of me

Everybody open your mouth
Everybody just say, "ah" (ah)
Everything'll be alright
If you play along

Everywhere I go, there's someone in a
trenchcoat staring at me
When I'm not at home, I'm sure someone's
rummaging through my trash
Whatever could they want from me
is it just a part of a giant government conspiracy
I gotta go see my doctor about this
itchy pentagram-shaped rash

Everbody open your mouth
Everybody just say, "ah" (ah)
Everything'll be alright
This won't hurt at all
(Turn it up)

Everybody get in line
Everybody turn and cough (ah)
Everything'll be alright
If you just lay off

Dictate a memo to myself
Try to find if I'm the only one in complete health
Consult contemporaries if there are some to see
There really isn't anyone who's in my league
But me

Every night at the lanes someone
thinks they've got a fine bead on me
I try to take three deep breaths
as I'm locking up my minivan
Everyone says I'm looking great
but it's hard to stand up
let alone to try to concentrate
I wish that everyone that I knew
hadn't sold out to the man

Everbody open your mouth
Everybody just say, "ah" (ah)
Everything'll be alright
This won't hurt at all

Everybody get in line
Everybody turn and cough (ah)
Everything'll be alright
If you just lay
Everything'll be alright
If you just lay
Everything'll be alright
If you just lay off

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