Eminem Criminal Lyrics

[Eminem]
A lot of people ask me.. stupid f___ing questions
A lot of people think that.. what I say on record
or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real life
or that I believe in it
Or if I say that, I wanna kill somebody, that..
I'm actually gonna do it
or that I believe in it
Well, s___.. if you believe that
then I'll kill you
You know why?
Cause I'm a

CRIMINAL
CRIMINAL
You god d___ right
I'm a CRIMINAL
Yeah, I'm a CRIMINAL

[Eminem]
My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
That'll stab you in the head
whether you're a f__ or lez
Or the h___sex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest
Pants or dress - hate f__s? The answer's "yes"
h___phobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic
Staring at my jeans, watching my genitals bulging (Ooh!)
That's my m_________ing b____, you'd better let go of em
They belong in my s______, you'll never get hold of em
Hey, it's me, Versace
Whoops, somebody shot me!
And I was just checking the mail
Get it? Checking the 'male'?
How many records you expecting to sell
after your second LP sends you directly to jail?
C'mon!-- Relax guy, I like gay men
Right, Ken? Give me an amen (AAA-men!)
Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Oh, and please send me a brand new car
And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital
Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher
You can't reach me, my mom can't neither
You can't teach me a g______ thing cause
I watch TV, and Comcast cable
and you ain't able to stop these thoughts
You can't stop me from topping these charts
And you can't stop me from dropping each March
with a brand new CD for these f___ing r_____s
Duhhh, and to think, it's just little ol' me
Mr. "Don't Give A f___," still won't leave

[Chorus: Eminem (repeat 2X)]

I'm a CRIMINAL
Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime
to tell em what's on my mind - I guess I'm a CRIMINAL
but I don't gotta say a word, I just flip em the bird
and keep going, I don't take s___ from no one

[Eminem]
My mother did drugs - hard-liquor, cigarettes, and speed
The baby came out - disfigured, ligaments indeed
It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
Don't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me
I'm a CRIMINAL - an animal caged who turned crazed
But how the f___ you supposed to grow up when you weren't raised?
So as I got older and I got a lot taller
My d___ shrunk smaller, but my b____ got larger
I drink more liquor to f___ you up quicker
than you'd wanna f___ me up for saying the word ...
My morals went thhbbpp when the president got oral
s__ in his Oval Office on top of his desk
Off of his own employee
Now don't ignore me, you won't avoid me
You can't miss me, I'm white, blonde-haired
and my nose is pointy
I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
in plane crashes and laughs
As long as it ain't happened to him
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Em
-inem and Kim combined - [*kch*] the maniac's in
Replacing the doctor cause Dre couldn't make it today
He's a little under the weather, so I'm taking his place
(Mm-mm-mmm!) Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face
Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place
I told you Dre, you should've kept that thang put away
I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh?
I'm a CRIMINAL

[Interlude Skit]
Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that m_________er
get the m_________ing money and get the f___ up outta there
[Em] Aight
I'll be right here waiting on you
[Em] Aight
Yo Em
[Em] What?!
Don't kill nobody this time
[Em] Awwright... god d___, f___...
(whistling) how you doin'?
[Teller] HI, how can I help you?
[Eminem] Yeah I need to make a withdrawl
[Teller] Okay
[Eminem] Put the f___ing money in the bag b____
and I won't kill you!
[Teller] What? Oh my god, don't kill me
[Eminem] I'm not gonna kill you b____, quit looking around...
[Teller] Don't kill me, please don't kill me...
[Eminem] I said I'm not gonna f___ing kill you
Hurry the f___ up! [*BOOM*] Thank you!

[Eminem]
Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it
So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it
So I'll be disguised in it
And if anybody identifies the guy in it
I'll hide for five minutes
Come back, shoot the eyewitness
Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
Die, b____es, b______s, brats, pets
This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his a__ yet [*dog whines*]
If I ever gave a f___, I'd shave my nuts
tuck my d___ in between my legs and cluck
You m_________ing chickens ain't brave enough
to say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut [*tape unrolls*]
s___, half the s___ I say, I just make it up
To make you mad so kiss my white naked a__
And if it's not a rapper that I make it as
I'ma be a f___ing rapist in a Jason mask

[Chorus 2X]