Answer Answer Lyrics

Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, & 6.
If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want,
stay on the line and we will trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you what number to press.
If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press no one will answer you.
If you are dyslexic, press 6-9-6-9-6-9-6-9.
If you have a nervous disorder please fiddle with the hash key until you hear the beep.
After the beep, please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss please try your call again later.
And if you have no self esteem, hang up, all our operators are too busy to talk to you.