Bloodhound Gang 3.14 Lyrics

My last girlfriend didn't like me thought she might be
most likely a d___ she just didn't excite me,
Lefty? ya, but that was alright,
She was hotter than the sun, but she just wasn't that bright
My mistake she was more flakey than a leper colony
I think a wooden clothespin would have been much better company
a__ like donkey acting funky gave her "L" now she's a flunky
So my love for her died quicker than a batch of sea monkeys
Early bird gets the worm spread your legs or spread the word
So what if I'm not he smartest peanut in the t___
I'm white which goes with everything but I can come in any colour
And I'm looking for the kind of girl that reminds me of my mother
But it's hard to find a girl with a viper tattooed on her tushy
And how many girls do you know that can play the harmonica with their p____es?
Like em easy and hot and sweet like a Rice Krispy Treat, gee
You know what I really want in a girl? Me.
I need to find a New v_____
Any kinda New v_____
It's hard to rhyme a word like v_____
Calvin Klein? kinda, North Carolina

Women are like dog doo hear me through don't interrupt
It'd just the older that they are the easier they get to pick-up
I'd fill the generation gap, clear the cobwebs from her rafters
Old hens would rather put out than be put out to the pasture
No age just ain't a gauge I like my girls like my cheese
Preferrably for me fat-free American singles only
I want my next chic anorexic the winner is the thinner
Won't have to take her skinny a__ out to a fancy dinner
Like Sizzler she go ta beef we'll chew the fat
If I forget to put the seat up I can put up with her c___
Let her lash out and crack the whip but not in bed I don't play rough
No I can't be tied down with a girl that wants me tied up
Just independant like NOFX smart like Janeane Garafalo
She'd use big words to make fun of me so that I would never know
Bestow upon me of her wisdom of the Dewey Decimal System gee
You know what I really want in a girl? Me.

I need to find a New v_____
Any kinda New v_____
It's hard to rhyme a word like v_____
Kevin Klein? kinda, South Carolina

v_____. . . .