"You borrow my car and then you give it a test."
"What, like the Mario test?"
"Mario? Mario's a f___ing psycho."

It's 1986, I'm in the first grade
I'm working really hard to get Mario laid
I gotta save the princess so he can get the p____
Believe me, Mario will get that a__ so f___ Luigi

Mario really wants to get her in bed
So bad that he's bustin up bricks with his head
He just wants s__, so forget the wedding bells
Jumping on little mushroom men and turtle shells

Dropping down green pipes and secret passageways
Making his move to the end where the final castle lays
Eat a magic mushroom, grow a little higher
Eat a white flower and spit b____ of fire

All the creatures that attack won't cut Mario slack
Oh s___, hold on I'll be right back

I'm gonna beat the game if it takes me all summer
It's got to be hard to get laid if you're a plumber
That's why I'm going to work extra hard for my man
And get him to the end so he can stop using his hand

Mario doesn't want to get hit, he'll shrink
The princess won't f___ a little kid, I think
So stay firm and attend to your own
And eventually the princess will attend to your bone

(Chorus x2)
Save the princess quick
Because she wants a d___
And if you set her free
You get the p____

Bowser's trying to get head right now from the princess
But if it's up to me that s___'ll stop this instant
Cloud people throwing little spiked animals
Green plants with teeth that attack like cannibals

I've heard nobody's yet run in the princess' oven
And Mario always says "Virgins, I love 'em!"
I hate the koopa troopas so I'm gonna run up
And jump on the back of their shells 'till I get one up

I'm gonna keep playing and I'm never gonna quit
'Cause some kid at school told me you can see the princesses' t__s
I wanna beat it before any of my friends do
So I can say I put p____ up on Mario's menu

At the end of each level I jump and get the flag
And say to myself: Another castle in the bag
I hope Bowser's ready, because he's in for a ride
And Mario's serious when it comes to homicide

The princess is a freak even though she has class
Mario will take a plunger and put it in her a__

I hate the cannons that shoot at you constantly
And I hate platforms that fall out from below me
But it's all worth while, just to see Mario smile
Standing next to the Princess, buck naked profile

That's why it's my crusade to get Mario laid
Super Mario Brothers, best game ever made

(Chorus x2)

See also:
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