I checked my box at AOL
Somebody e-mailed me
A chirpy voice said "You've got mail"
Somebody e-mailed me
But it's all c___ from herbal quacks
Tricks for dodging income tax
Russian nymphomaniacs
Somebody e-mailed me

I got a computer for Christmas
Eight zillion M.B. of RAM
But I'm gettin' hostile for Christmas
'Cause I'm gettin' nuttin' but spam

"You've got mail"

I don't need loans from offshore banks
Somebody e-mailed me
I've never owned no septic tanks
Somebody e-mailed me
Old Iraq Most Wanted cards
Kinky housewives' warm regards
No-repayment Mastercards
Somebody e-mailed me

Oh, I'm gettin' freaked out for Christmas
How do they know where I am?
I'm gettin' ornery for Christmas
'Cause I'm gettin' nuttin' but spam

Ooh look,
They've got v_____ at half price
Somebody e-mailed me
A voodoo weight control device
Somebody e-mailed me
I don't need hidden camera stuff
Donald Rumsfeld in the buff
My kielbasa's long enough!
Somebody e-mailed me

Oh, I'm gettin' ticked off for Christmas
Free pay-per-view is a scam
And I'm gettin' angry for Christmas
'Cause I'm gettin' nuttin' but spam

So you better back off
Whatever you do
If I track you down I'm warning you
I'll get postal for Christmas!

"You've got mail"

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