Richard White Gaston Lyrics

GASTON (SPOKEN):
Who does she think she is?
That girl has tangled with the wrong man!
No one says "no" to Gaston!

LEFOU (SPOKEN):
Heh, heh. Darn right!

GASTON (SPOKEN):
Dismissed! Rejected!
Publicly humiliated!
Why, it's more than I can bear!

LEFOU (SPOKEN):
More beer?

GASTON (SPOKEN):
What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced.

LEFOU (SPOKEN):
Who, you? Never!
Gaston, you've got to pull yourself together!

LEFOU:
Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're everyone's favorite guy!
Everyone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why...

No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston!
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's!
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect! A pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, d___, or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they'd prefer to be on!

MEN:
No one's been like Gaston
A kingpin like Gaston!

LEFOU:
No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston!

GASTON:
As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!

MEN:
My, what a guy, that Gaston!
Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip-hips!"

LEFOU:
Gaston is the best, and the rest is all drips!

MEN:
No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston!

MAN I:
In a wrestling match, nobody bites like Gaston!

BIMBETTES:
For there's no one as burly and brawny!

GASTON:
As you see, I've got biceps to spare!

LEFOU:
Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny!

GASTON:
That's right!
And every last inch of me's covered with hair!

MEN:
No one hits like Gaston!

MAN II:
Matches wits like Gaston!

LEFOU:
In a spitting match, nobody spits like Gaston!

GASTON:
I'm especially good at expectorating!
Ptooey!

MEN:
Ten points for Gaston!

GASTON:
When I was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs
Every morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!

ALL:
No one shoots like Gaston!
Makes those beauts like Gaston!

LEFOU:
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston!

GASTON:
I use antlers in all of my decorating!

ALL:
My, what a guy, Gaston!

*Gastons Reprise*

Maurice:] Help! Someone help me!
[Tavern keeper:] Maurice?
[Maurice:] Please! Please, I need your help. He's got her - he's
got her locked in the dungeon!
[LeFou:] Who?
[Maurice:] Belle. We must go. N-not a minute to lose!
[Gaston:] Whoa! Slow down, Maurice. Who's got Belle locked in a
dungeon?
[Maurice:] A beast! A horrible, monstrous beast!
[Patron I:] Is it a big beast?
[Maurice:] Huge!
[Patron II:] With a long, ugly snout?
[Maurice:] Hideously ugly!
[Drinker III:] And sharp, cruel fangs?
[Maurice:] Yes! Yes! Will you help me?
[Gaston:] All right, old man. We'll help you out.
[Maurice:] You will? Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!
[Tavern keeper:] Crazy old Maurice.
[Patron I:] He's always good for a laugh.
[Gaston:] Crazy old Maurice, hmmm?
Crazy old Maurice. Hmmm.

LeFou, I'm afraid I've been thinking
[Lefou:] A dangerous pastime
[Gaston:] I know
But that whacky old coot is Belle's father
And his sanity's only "so-so"
Now the wheels in my head have been turning
Since I looked at that loony, old man
See, I've promised myself I'd be married to Belle
And right now I'm evolving a plan

If I . . . {whisper}
[LeFou:] Yes?
[Gaston:] Then we . . . {whisper}
[LeFou:] No! Would she . . .
[Gaston:] {whisper} Guess!
[LeFou:] Now I get it!
[Both:] Let's go!

No one plots like Gaston
[Gaston:] Takes cheap shots like Gaston
[LeFou:] Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Gaston
[Chorus:] So his marriage we soon'll be celebrating
My what a guy!
Gaston